A co-worker shared with us, as we were making casual conversation, that she’s not a religious person because the whole idea of a god “demanding” exclusive worship and love does not register well with her. She argued, as an example, that no parent could inflict such bizarre and egocentric command (ordering your kids to focus only on you) as it stands in the way of their well being… Kids must be free to play. Even if it is possible there could be a God — a fact which she didn’t seem to doubt — this attention obsession of His seems, from her perspective, more pathological than something worthy of our adoration.

If this behavior is unacceptable to parents, so we wondered, what makes it okay for God? What makes it okay for him to demand our total devotion, or even threaten us if we do not pray to him? What does it say about this God when He knows that threats of incineration (for those who believe in hell’s existence) can only produce fear in us, and we know ‘There’s no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear’!

These are good questions. No one ever loved because they were forced to do so. The idea of being ‘forced into love’ even sounds like an oxymoron. In the few years I’ve lived, I’ve never seen this aspect of dominance and oppression as the starting point of a (healthy) romantic relationship. Truly, if this is the way things are, then how is this God loving? Why would we worship such a God?

[Jesus] said to him: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”. This is the greatest and first commandment.
—Matthew 22:37-38

”You shall have no other gods before me”
Exodus 20:3

I would really empathize with above sentiments when they’re presented this way, but this doesn’t come close to how things truly are and, if it’s not obvious, allow me offer some perspective.

Our first problem with all of this, I think, is the discomfort that lies in the fact that God ‘commands’! Why ‘commands’? Won’t God rather have people ‘be free’ (whatever that means)? It’s not in human nature to delight in rules, and He should know — if indeed He’s our creator. So why still resort to this especially if the goal is to compel our love?

It’s not like we are incapable of acknowledging the usefulness of rules; after all without them, no society (including those that call themselves ‘free’) would survive. However, what makes “rules” and “laws” necessary in this scenario is the concern for peace and order. Our struggle is seeing these rules and laws (meant primarily as tools to avoid chaos at all cost) brought in the context of love and adoration.

Parents (since the parent-child relationship was brought up) do put up (rigid) rules for their kids to follow. Rules in this context are surely not tools for mass control, but rather, as any sensible child would later on look back and confirm; signs of love and genuine concern for our well-being. Why then not assume that the Lord loves us in such a way (if not more) when He issues commands? He is, after all, infinitely wiser, more powerful and loving than our earthly, human, and sometimes clueless parents. Moreover, His love is proclaimed to be superior to that of a mother of a nursing child (Isaiah 49:15). Wouldn’t it then be safer to assume He is better placed to determine what our ultimately good is?

The second problem I discerned is located in the ‘strange’ nature of the commands themselves. How can I be commanded to love? I can’t be forced to love someone. I can’t be forced to feel anything at all for that matter. These things come naturally. But do they really? Well, I think our emotions and feelings are more complex than we give them credit; they’re not that simple and there should be some nuance.

What do I mean? Let’s consider for a moment the kind of love that is between husband and wife. No one (in their right mind) would joyfully allow their spouse to “love” others the same way only reserved for them. We cannot give them this kind of “freedom”. In a sense, there’s a way your spouse “must” love you. Yes; they must! Are we then exaggerating when we ourselves “command” to be loved? Not at all! In this case at least, it’s absolutely normal to “demand” exclusivity. In fact, I’d go out on a limb and say that it would be immoral not to.

In addition to this, there’s the irony in the fact that as much as we’d like to protest against this appearance of narcissistic behavior in God, we forget that we have our own versions of threats in place should our spouses even dare consider loving other people in a way only reserved for us. We cannot tolerate any “disobedience” to this rule. Not even once! Most times, as we probably have witnessed it, there’s no mercy when it comes to the slightest hint of transgression(s) in this area.

What am I trying to say? Is God my husband/wife? Not at all. However, I find it very interesting that His relationship with his people is described mainly as a “covenant” — which is not less binding than a marriage. His love for his people is said to be stronger than death and what binds him to his people (unlike the marriage bond) is to be lasting into eternity (past and future) — go figure!

When we frame his loving commands negatively with such reduction and carelessness (usually for emotive effect), it only shows our inability (or perhaps our unwillingness) to perceive and accept a glorious reality even as it stands right in front of our eyes. His love is deeper than we’d imagine — parent/child and husband/wife relationships, however intimate, pale in comparison. They are only shadows. His is the substance. We should know that however much confusing it seems or however much difficult it is for us to understand; the Lord is humble even as he commands, He is lowly and serves us even as He rules over us.

He’s the one we must love because He is the one who loves us the most — and the only one worthy of our ultimate love!